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The Borovkoff Blog

Neo-Pagan Modern Thoughts On Society

But lately, more and more, you see people wearing their soft pajama pants out and about town. They wear them to the post office, supermarket, Home Depot, Target, town mall, and even…. yes even….Walmart. Well, ok, maybe we wouldn’t blink if you wore them to Walmart. Half the people at Walmart are busy buying cat food for their own consumption, so they probably won’t even notice you in pajama pants.

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Image of pajama pants.There are few things quite as comfortable as wearing a nice, soft, warm pair of pajama pants around the house. On cold, wintery, rainy nights those festively colored pants can make the dark of winter seem somehow cheery with a hope of spring. Especially the fleece ones. Those are like wearing heaven on your cold legs. Snuggle on the sofa with a cup of hot cocoa in your hands, while watching a scary movie while it pours down raining outside, and its just about as close to bliss as a human can get.

But lately, more and more, you see people wearing their soft pajama pants out and about town. They wear them to the post office, supermarket, Home Depot, Target, town mall, and even…. yes even….Walmart. Well, ok, maybe we wouldn’t blink if you wore them to Walmart. Half the people at Walmart are busy buying cat food for their own consumption, so they probably won’t even notice you in pajama pants.

People are sauntering around town in a nice shirt and their pajama pants, looking all so dimple pinching cute right? WRONG! HELLO! Snap out of your delusion. Pajama pants are for your own use AT HOME, where nobody else has to look at you! But you are actually inflicting pain on us by parading yourself around in public in pajama pants. You are inflicting humiliation for being human and having anything to do with you at all, even shopping at the same store. Well maybe not Walmart, because Walmart shoppers are already the bottom of the barrel, so pajama pants are considered dress-up clothes there.

Seriously, do you really think that you are that cute that you can get away with wearing pajama pants out and about? Did your mom tell you that you were super cute in those cotton pants? Did she tell you that they are slimming to your rear? Or did she raise you up right and tell you that it was NOT OK to wear your underwear outside of the house?

If your mom didn’t raise you up right and teach you the rules of public decency, let me express some important ones for you here. Grab that piece of paper, pretend you know how to write, and jot down some finer points:

We don’t wear our underwear outside of the house. Even the backyard is pushing it, except if you live in a very rural place where the nearest neighbor is like a mile away.

We don’t wear our curlers in our hair out and about. Except for if they are holding your head attached to your neck with an invisible wire or something.

We don’t walk around supermarkets talking on cell phones and swearing into them while talking loudly about all kinds of personal information. Unless of course, we are trying to be considered unstable.

We don’t yell at our children across the heads of innocent bystanders in a public place. We didn’t have the kids, don’t blame us!

We don’t slurp our food, burp loudly at fine dining establishments, fart loudly in public places, french kiss our other half in public places, pick our nose while driving our car (there are other people around you, HELLO!), use really foul language around other people, especially if they have under age children with them, bring our children into a bar (uh, NO!), wear low cut jeans so tight that everyone can see your muffin top (does that come with frosting?), do your makeup in front of store windows, ask for donations outside of an ATM, pick our underwear out of its wedged position while walking anywhere in public, or wear pants so baggy that the whole world can see what color underwear we are wearing, clearly (unless your plans are to be the pass around party favor in prison).

Heed these words of advice. The world will be a better place for both you and I if you do!

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