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The Borovkoff Blog

Neo-Pagan Modern Thoughts On Society

All of these ‘single’ friends have one thing in common, they nearly always end up in debate on whether it is ok to date more than one person at a time or not.


Abstract image of an IndividualI have a lot of single friends. Male, female and those that are questioning where they fit in exactly. I have straight single friends, gay single friends, bi-sexual single friends, try-sexual single friends (fyi: try-sexuals are people who will try anything at least once), undecided single friends, and celebate single friends. And of course I have married friends that act single and married friends that SHOULD be single!

All of these ‘single’ friends have one thing in common, they nearly always end up in debate on whether it is ok to date more than one person at a time or not. It seems highly controversial in the single world. Of course, nearly everything that revolves around past experiences is controversial in the single world. And that is what it really boils down to in the end isn’t it? What were your past experiences like?

Friend “A” is in his 40’s, gay and single in Sacramento. All scary statistics by themselves! But “A” believes strongly that a single person should not date more than one person at a time. He believes that it is too much work and that it is not fair to the other parties involved if you date more than one person. When you sit down and really speak to friend “A” you find out that he was burned badly in the past by men who dated him and others at the same time, and sadly chose the others over him. Is this a case of “Bitter, party of one!”

Friend “C” is a straight female, in her mid 30’s,  living in the wealthy suburbs of East Sacramento. If I was wealthy enough to live there I don’t think I would need to date at all. I think I would just enjoy my own money and maybe pay hot hookers to be my friends! But never the less, “C” dates more than one man at the same time. She enjoys it but feels guilty. She says that it almost feels like cheating and that it is a constant struggle to juggle her masculine counterparts. She never feels that there is enough time and often feels dissatisfied after her dates. What is that all about?

Friend “H” is a straight female friend, in her late 30’s, living in the heart of the Bay Area. Like many other Californians, she is currently unemployed and enjoying that state with plenty of booze, dancing, and constant multi-dates. Many would call her a slut. Others would look up to her and say “You go girl!” I worry about “H”. She seems a bit lost. It is doubtful that she will ever find the man of her dreams going at top speed through a sea of bulges and hot crotches. In fact, she may get some leftovers that only a clinic can cure. But she has no problem juggling her male companions and actually is a perfect example of how women may be better multi-taskers than men!

Friend “F” is a wealthy straight male friend also living in the Bay Area. Many consider him the very FIRST Metro-Sexual. He believes that you should only date one woman at a time. And he does tend to find the nympho in the crowd when he does date, so maybe he can only handle one woman at a time. He has been married twice already, and both marriages ended rather badly, and with kids none the less. But he is happy, successful and gets all his needs met. Though I think that perhaps he is scarred and a little gun shy.

Friend “K” is a gay male in his late 30’s, living in Midtown Sacramento. “K” believes that a date consists of talking for a few hours online, then hooking up on his couch as many times as possible with as many men as possible in the shortest amount of time as possible. I fear for “K”. I am not sure that he actually understand what the word “date” actually means! (*note to self: buy “K” a dictionary for his birthday) I can’t be around “K” much, because he depresses me. He reminds me of all the bad things that being gay often represents. I am sure he will get through it and I am sure that he will come out a monogomous male, but I think he needs to find himself a little more first.

And finally, friend “V” is a single lesbian with a good job, in her early 40’s, living in the outskirts of Sacramento. Her ideals of the perfect mate are way out of her league. I want to say “model” quality comes to mind, when in fact friend “V” is not of that calibre. In fact, she looks more like the auto mechanic type. She is sweet inside, but perhaps a little confused. Her mother probably told her “date only your level or higher” when she was young. But she only heard, “date only when you are high and only date the untouchables”. So she is forever more single and looking.

And finally, there was me. When I was single, and it seemed forever, I had the ideal that dating was about “getting to know someone” and more importantly “getting to know yourself and what you truly wanted and needed in a mate”. Is that not true anymore? Are we supposed to know instantly on the first date that this IS the one? When I was single and living in San Francisco, back in the day before the internet, when blogging was called complaining and you did it over drinks in a bar, I put a personal ad in the “Facebook” of newspapers known as The Bay Times. I made a vow that I would go on at least one date with every single man who answered my ad. I wrote a pretty damn good ad I guess because it was answered by 45 different men. Oh lordy what did I do! So, nearly two months later, and a lot poorer I finally learned what I liked. It for sure took that long. And I never told my dates that I was dating others. Because I figured that the right one would stand out and that it wouldn’t matter in the end. I didn’t have sex with any of them though because my mom’s old saying “why would they buy the cow when they get the milk for free” everytime I got the urge! I met a lot of great men and a lot of really messed up men in the process. And I learned a lot about myself and what was acceptable to me and what was not acceptable to me. On top of all this I dropped my old motto of “Put Out and Get Out!” for my new motto of “I may have baggage but at least mine is Gucci”. So overall, I came out the better in the end.

Any opportunity that we can have to go on a date, we should take it. Even if it is not with the person of our dreams. We are connecting with eachother in this way. We are connecting with ourselves. We are learning and teaching and participating in life. And that is the only way we can ever hope to evolve as humans in the end.

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