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The Borovkoff Blog

Neo-Pagan Modern Thoughts On Society

Being a person that despises drugs of any kind, I can only say that I am “scared”. And “scared” does not do justice to the feeling inside of me.

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So tomorrow is my D-day.

 I have been HIV+ for two years now and slowly but surely my body is going downhill. Lately it has been apparent that my health is moving in a downward spiral rather quickly. I have not felt physically fine for a long time now. 

I have gone back and forth in my mind over what I would do when the day came that I was so sick that I would be forced to begin a medication addiction that would then last my whole life. I always saw myself as rejecting medication and fighting the disease head on with natural remedies and with my own force of will to live. But now I am scared. I am scared that I will die a slow agonizing death with all kinds of nasty symptoms and all kinds of horrible side effects.

So tomorrow, Wednesday July 8th is my D-Day. I am scheduled to begin Atripla therapy and then once began, I will have to continue taking meds for the rest of my life. Being a person that despises drugs of any kind, I can only say that I am “scared”. And “scared” does not do justice to the feeling inside of me. I feel like I want to vomit minute by minute. Part of me speaks from a dark, depressed side of my brain and continues to try andconvince me that I am just wasting my time and helping the RX Companies get richer with one more forced addict in their flock.

I will use this blog to document my progress and perhaps my demise in the end. I still have lots of conflicting thoughts about going on a drug regimen for the rest of my life. And I want to do the right thing for myself, friends and family too.

And finally I am curious what other people think I should do? What other people’s experiences have been? And what other people want to say about this subject? So go ahead and talk to me.

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