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The Borovkoff Blog

Neo-Pagan Modern Thoughts On Society

It should have been called “Californians Get Raped Again!” In a time where our economy slides down a dark and threatening toilet to nowhere, it is absolute greed, gluttony and vile committee based thinking that create a travesty like the Asparagus Festival.

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Having been to many California “festivals”, this past spring was time to go for my first time ever to the Stockton Asparagus Festival, where we were promised copious amounts of fun filled and delicious asparagus related glee.

NOT!

It should have been called “Californians Get Raped Again!” In a time where our economy slides down a dark and threatening toilet to nowhere, it is absolute greed, gluttony and vile committee based thinking that create a travesty like the Asparagus Festival.

And so it began…..

Standing in a line that stretched a few blocks in the hot sun, we sweated slow baby steps towards an ever elusive gate. (The Asparagus Festival committee has not learned that actually two gates are better than one.) Finally, rounding the corner to see that now we bought tickets at ridiculous prices! Those tickets granted us the ability to stand in ANOTHER line! This next line had a goal though. The goal was simple: Get into the festival itself through the ONE gate that separated us from the elusive Asparagus of life. (Thoughts at this time were simply “Do I even like Asparagus?” Few could answer) Having been raped once at the main gate, now we made it through the ticket gate and into the world of chaos known as the Asparagus Festival. Nice place but I wouldn’t want to live there! Next we found that we had to stand in another line to buy tickets so that we could actually purchase food, drink and entertainment. In the world of Asparagus, tickets are only accepted, cash is not used. Nice and so wel thought out! So having forked out green money for little red tickets, approximating how much money we would actually need for all of the glee items before us, we now proceeded to stand in further lines to purchase all of our Asparagus desires.

We learned many things about Asparagus.

Deep fried Asparagus is really as disgusting as it sounds.

  1. People who work in concession booths at the Asparagus Festival have lost their minds and really are walking arguments for abortion to be not only legal but mandatory in some cases.
  2. When traveling to Stockton, keep going on any freeway you choose. Do not stop. Do not buy red tickets. Do not stand in line. Do not pass go!
  3. And last but not least, you don’t have to go to the Asparagus Festival or eat fried Asparagus because I did that for you! Thats just the kind of guy I am!

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